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Beyond Rules and Regulations:
The Parent as Spiritual Guide and Mentor
Research now
has clarified that we all come into this world for a
special reason or purpose, which I refer to in my
book, Why Cats Don’t Bark. It is about our
soul’s code based on the writings of James Hillman’s
book, The Soul’s Code.
Thus,
our role as parents extends beyond
establishing a system of discipline or setting
boundaries, putting food on the table and
maintaining a college fund. It goes beyond loving
our child unconditionally, giving five hugs a day
and signing our kids up for soccer.
Spiritual parenting
is helping our child explore, discover, nourish and
develop his or her soul’s code or calling, which is
revealed generally between the ages of three to
eight, with a resurging of one’s calling during
adolescence.
Perhaps what often prompts rebellion in adolescents
is created by parents who are trying to push,
squeeze, and force a square peg into a round hole.
In the words of Pearl S. Buck, “a
writer must write, a singer must sing, and a dancer
must dance.” If Johnnie was
born to be an artist, perhaps the next Picasso, and
you insist on him becoming the star quarterback,
which may be your unfilled dream, a healthy
rebellion is the soul crying or perhaps screaming to
be heard and actualized.
Never contaminate your child with your unfinished
business. Take responsibility for kicking
your dream into action and do not live your
unfulfilled wishes through your children.
Your children are entitled to
their own dreams and aspirations and
your job as a spiritual guide and parent is to
facilitate that process by observing, recognizing,
and encouraging their natural strengths and activity
preferences.
I remember
my mother telling the neighbors when I was about
five years old that “Edie has the gift of gab.”
Interestingly, more
than fifty years later I am speaking all over the
world and am the recipient of the highest earned
award granted by the National Speakers Association.
While I don’t recall them pushing me in that
direction, my parents allowed me to freely and
openly explore what seemed to be a natural career
evolution and intuitively recognized possibility of
what I could become at an early age.
In his newly
released book, My Life, Bill
Clinton reveals that on the way home from the
hospital his mother recognized that he would be in
politics. Recently I was speaking on The
Millennium, a Celebrity cruise ship which offered
spectacular entertainment by a violinist from
Poland. Hanna Starosta was beyond the age of most of
those long retired folks she entertained. She
revealed that upon her birth, her mother took one
look at her fingers and said, “It
will play!”
Another
phenomenal musician, a pianist, Pearl Kaufman,
played with agility and the spirit of peers, fifty
years her junior. She
also admitted that at about the age of eight, she
had the opportunity to hear and experience a
renowned pianist and immediately
connected with her “calling” and insisted on piano
lessons, which lead to her continued success and
joy.
Certainly
there are others more readily recognized such as
Michael Jordan, who clearly was born to play
basketball….NOT baseball, but basketball.
Tiger Woods’ talent was nurtured at an early age by
his father. Sarah Hughes, the
sixteen-year-old figure skater who took the gold at
the 2000 Winter Olympics, clearly stated her vision
on videotape 10 years earlier at the age of six. As
a young girl, Sarah proudly asserted, “When
I grow up I am going to go to the Olympics and get a
gold medal.” She then continued, “I
can hardly wait for it to happen.” The essence of
her message is the core of what I present in my
keynotes. Sarah did not say she would “try” to go to
the Olympics, with strong conviction she said, “I
will go to the Olympics.”
“Trying”
is like being a little bit pregnant. We either are
or we are not….we either do it or we do not.
Sarah then stated with total assurance that she
would get a gold medal…not bronze or
silver, but gold. It is clear we determine how high
we will fly, but we also determine our limitations.
It is crucial that you
allow your children to dream and think BIG.
Without a doubt in her mind, Sarah continued, “I can
hardly wait for it to happen.” This is the level of
confidence that we, as parents, must encourage in
our children--for what the mind sees the body
believes.
When
such positive impregnations are made in a child’s
mind at an early age, the outcomes are
powerful and we truly experience a fruitful ROI –
Return on Intelligence.
Perhaps the
best place to begin is to get out of the way of a
soul in progress. While encouragement and
facilitation of a child’s spiritual unfolding
certainly assists in their development, for many
parents just not interfering, blocking, or trying to
redirect what comes naturally would
give your child roots to grow
and wings to their wishes.
Tips on Childs Coopetition
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